That's how it feels like to fall
by plumpykaye
Summary: The life after -A they weren't expecting. They sat together looking at each other; blue eyes staring at the brown when asked what they were all she could say was 'we'll see'.


They sat together, Hanna and Emily, looking at each other; blue eyes staring at the brown ones.

_It was 4 years later after all the drama of High School had ended and now there they were, just a year away from finishing college. Hanna went to FIT in New York and made a pretty good name for herself to her professors and colleagues alike. She wasn't just dumb blonde at all was what one of her instructors had said. Her relationship with Caleb kept going strong even if he was left in Rosewood. Emily on the other hand was at the other end of the country. Despite not swimming during her senior year she was still offered a full ride to UC in Berkeley. Her shark spirit remained in her as she swam her ways towards the beginning of her career. She and Paige had ended things on a good note when Paige moved to California during their winter break in senior year. She hadn't seen Paige since then even when they both are on the same state. Eventually somewhere during freshman year in college she tried things out with Alison and she haven't be happier since._

_The 5 of them had agreed to meet during holidays in Rosewood. Being close to each other Hanna and Emily agreed to see each other more often. A bit costly but they had a deal that one or the other would fly across the country once a month and by the time they fly in to Rosewood they see to it that they would arrive together at the same time. They had their own apartments that would accommodate them. Emily's mother had insisted for her to have her own apartment than her sharing a dorm room with someone doesn't know at all. Alison had strongly agreed with Pam. Hanna made sure her mom would get her one reasoning that she wouldn't want anyone complaining how messy the room was besides her. Basically they would see each other twice a month; it was more than how often they both would see their other half they left in their hometown. Neither Alison nor Caleb said a word though. _

_Emily's first weekend in New York was close to a bust. Hanna had thought that the time of arrival Emily had told her was in California time. With a few threats on fuming phone calls from the other girl, Hanna came rushing in the airport doors with her cab left unpaid. By the end of the weekend both girls had a good one and Emily flew back to California with Hanna telling her she would see her soon. And so 2 weeks later came her turn to pick Hanna up._

_They both had so much to tell the other girls the first time they came home to Rosewood. Spencer and Aria were both envious of them two but Alison in contrast made sure to keep Emily to herself for 2 days…and on those days they just stayed home on Alison's room. Needless to say by the time they went out to meet the girls after their time alone, they had coped up for the days they spent apart. Caleb and Hanna decided to fraternize Spencer's Nana's couch yet again without Spencer's knowledge. They had taken a quick spur of the moment trip two nights before Hanna would go back to New York._

_Things started to turn on a different path after they had gone back to their respective states. Merely a week later Emily had a nasty argument with Alison and threw her phone against the hard wall of her apartment. Phoneless, Emily was only reachable through her laptop which she had stubbornly kept uncharged. She didn't want anyone bothering her. She threw herself into practice for the upcoming swim meet. Hanna at first was worried when she didn't hear from Emily for a few days. They regularly talk especially when they weren't scheduled to be together. Disregarding the time difference they would take turns in staying up late just so they could talk over the phone or on their laptops. She had called Alison to ask about Emily and that's when she found out about their argument. She then understood why Emily kept herself away from the world. When a week had passed and still hasn't gotten anything from Emily she felt disappointed at the other girl._

_Another week had to pass before Emily had reached out to her using her mom's number. 'Swim meet on Saturday. Can't fly in' was the only thing Emily had texted. No 'I miss you Hanna. Sorry I didn't contact you' text as what she had thought. She even forgot that it was not her turn to come over but Hanna's. Even with Emily's coldness Hanna went to see her and attend her first swim meet of the semester. Hanna hand so much to say to Emily in mind but got rid of it all when the brunette had wrapped her on a tight embrace when she saw Hanna on her doorsteps. She had comforted her friend through her tears as Emily relayed the events that lead to her rampage. She cheered for her alongside Pam Fields during the swim meet. Alison wanted to surprise Emily and fix their relationship but her exams were on her way. So she had to endure the pain of fighting with Emily and not being able to cheer for her mermaid._

_Before she went back to New York Emily had said her apologies and she gladly forgave her. Just when they thought that would be the only problem they would encounter they were wrong. College had started to take toll on both of them. Tons of things that were due on the same time piled up. Emily had to spend more time with practice and Hanna had so much designs to finish. Inevitably their agreement was broken and their communication had lessen. Emily managed to fix things with Alison and also made friends with her teammates. _

_In order for Emily to gain her teammates votes for Captain she had to get to know them and so she spent time with them. At first Hanna saw it as a way of adapting to environment but later on jealousy and insecurity had grown on her. When Emily became Captain she was more eager to train also encouraging her fellow teammates to do the same. Emily had grown closer to her co-anchor, Ashley, which made Alison a bit jealous and Hanna more jealous. Hanna felt like Emily's teammates were taking her best friend away. She wanted to make Emily feel what she feels so she also acquainted herself with few people from her class. Little does she know Emily felt the same. _

_The more Hanna posts about her and her new friends Emily does too. Instead of flying to California Hanna flew in to Rosewood to see Caleb. Emily tried to be rational and convinced herself that Hanna had to spend time with her boyfriend but then she remembers that her best friend barely even talks to her much more see her. She let that week go thinking that 2 weeks later she would see Hanna but to her dismay she had traveled 3,000 miles only to be welcomed by an empty apartment. They both had keys on each other's apartment. She sent a text to Hanna asking her where she was and she received a reply 30 minutes later that the blonde was in Rosewood. Her blood boiled inside of her. She sent a paragraph of a text to Hanna ranting about how Hanna didn't tell her she was in Rosewood and that if she knew she wouldn't have traveled from West to East. Hanna in return replied that she didn't obligate Emily to come and she didn't have to tell her whereabouts to Emily every minute, she was not her girlfriend._

_Even when Hanna apologized to Emily after what she rudely said to Emily and the other girl forgiving her, the seas between the two didn't settle down. More fights came between them with just the smallest thing causing it. Hanna blamed Emily's teammates especially Ashley for Emily's new demeanor. Emily defended her team telling Hanna that what she had become was no one else's fault. On one occasion Ashley had been helplessly trying to sooth a crying Emily. She had called Alison for help but anything Alison was saying wasn't helping. Alison had befriended Ashley for her own sake and relief. They both tried to take away the pain in Emily but ended up failing. Earlier that night Hanna and Emily had a talk over the phone. It was going well at first but then the tension between the two took over. Hanna had told Emily that she was now sophisticated and that the Emily Fields she once knew was now long gone. Emily was too hurt to say anything back. She ended the phone call right there and then and rushed to Ashley's._

_Alison wanted to shave Hanna's head for hurting her girl but she knew Emily wouldn't be happy with that. She knew how much Emily cares for Hanna, even if they were on rough paths. She tried to fix things between the two girls when she had dragged Emily to New York. Her attempt was successful…only it didn't last long. So instead she invited Ashley to join Emily in coming home to Rosewood during Spring break in an attempt to make her and Hanna get along._

_The tension at home started when Hanna took the train instead of meeting with Emily at the airport. Alison had told her killer to give it a rest and so Emily did. They introduced Ashley to Spencer and Aria and the two brunettes welcomed her warmly. While Hanna on the contrary kept giving the cold shoulder. She pretended she cared but she had terrible acting. She kept receiving glares from Spencer, Aria and even Alison during their sleepover. Deep inside Emily had wanted to make Ashley and Hanna get along but then she grew tired of trying. When Ashley's vacation week had come to an end Hanna couldn't be more thankful. She had fixated in her mind that Ashley was now not just a threat to Emily but to her whole group. Emily tried to talk to her about it but her insecurities were too much. She didn't take a word of what Emily said._

_Hanna kept her distance to all of her friends. She focused herself to Caleb. She had made herself believe that it was only Caleb who was there for her. Honestly she didn't care if Spencer, Aria or Alison would leave her but Emily, Emily was a different story. She felt that her best friend, the one she thought would be there for her forever, had abandoned her._

_Noticing Hanna pulling away the girls suggested a dinner like the one they had during Christmas of senior year in high school. Surprisingly Hanna agreed to come with Caleb. Emily looked forward to it counting days and nights until the most awaited dinner. She was on the same state and on the same town with her best friend but it seemed like they were still 3,000 miles apart. The dinner was doomed even before it started. A lot of things didn't fall into place but Spencer had managed to pull it off, only that they had to have it at the clubhouse. During the dinner both Emily and Hanna were silent. Aria opened a conversation to garner their attention and successfully making them talk. One sarcasm came with another following through. All that came from both girls' mouth was none that was helpful. Hanna kept pointing out how Emily had changed while Emily kept bringing up how Hanna had told her that she was now too sophisticated to be her best friend. Voices raised from their table and guests were complaining to the management. They were asked to leave but they didn't stop bickering. Emily stormed off and Hanna followed suit._

"_Will you stop being a bitch Emily?" their friends and companion's jaws dropped at what Hanna shouted. Emily turned around and in her eyes were anger and hurt. How could someone like Hanna call her that?_

"_That was way out of line Hanna. If someone here is being a bitch it's you" Alison had screamed close to her face before pulling Emily by the hand walking away._

_That was the last time Hanna saw Emily before they went on their separate colleges again. She regretted what she said the moment it came out of her mouth but then she couldn't do anything to take it back. She tried to reach out but she was too afraid to get rejected. She had apologized to Spencer and Aria and both girls told her that she was supposed to apologize to Emily not them. Emily should have known that the wall between her and Hanna was already too thick and that time where Hanna went to California but didn't drop by to see her was just the cherry on top of their misery._

_At some point they had said their apologies and had a new agreement; to explore the world on their own. They became okay and civilized. Hanna kept herself busy with her new job at one of the fashion house in New York while Emily had her attention on swimming and a new found interest in surfing. Her constant fights with Hanna had disappeared. There were no more arguments…but it also meant there totally no communication between them. They didn't see each other, they didn't talk and they got used to it. They didn't feel the necessity of each other's presence in their lives. They had stopped missing each other._

_Just when the darkest days had come to an end coming to tears with reality had slapped them in both cheeks blindsided. They drifted away naturally without them noticing it. From time to time they are reminded of how everything used to be and how changed it was now and they aren't sure why. Was it the hurtful words? Was it the distance? Was is Ashley or the swim team? Or was it Caleb and Alison? They couldn't point out a reason. They just grew apart and they wish that they could use a massive fight as a scapegoat. They couldn't pretend everything's just the same because each time they do, the more it becomes obvious. They wish they could just be honest with each other but it's hard and lying to themselves was even harder._

_Emily questioned herself, her decisions, her actions, and her heart for betraying her like this. She was wondered what went wrong, until I realized that it was all wrong from the very start. She should have chosen her battles, because this is the kind of game she could never really win. She didn't have the right to fight at all. It was a war against her best friend whatever way it ends she is left losing Hanna._

_Regardless of how they choose to have the friendship end, it's over. _

They sat together, Hanna and Emily, looking at each other; blue eyes staring at the brown ones. They were now graduates coming home to their hometown. Their family had organized a party for them 4 at the clubhouse and they slipped out to finally talk after a long time of making a proper conversation alone. Emily stared straight at Hanna's eyes. She used to recognize those eyes as one that brings her feet to the ground but raises her to the heavens but now it seems all too foreign for her.

"Remember the first time Spencer brought us here?" Emily brought away her gaze and started the conversation. Hanna nodded in response. "I do too"

"A bird whispered on my window that you're proposing to Alison soon?" Hanna changed the topic not wanting to go down the trip of memory lane. More often than not, she feels like she's viewing someone else's moments and memories; things she's unfamiliar with.

"I'm still weighing my chances but most likely I am. We could have the wedding after Ali graduates next year." Emily replies casually. Even when they had drifted apart more than they ever thought they would and while they've made a few friends here and there since going to college, they've yet to feel as close to any of them as they used to feel with each other.

"Good luck" another wave of awkward silence passed by before Hanna spoke again. "You're weird you know that? You stopped talking to me for a long time even after we had fixed things. Am I that unimportant to you?"

"Sorry Han. I guess things just changed with our friendship and it became okay. I honestly didn't think we'd be those best friends that would grow apart but look at us now. I used to miss you so much and it never seemed like you missed me too." From afar Spencer, Aria and Alison watched them wishing the two best friends would work things out.

"We kind of got comfortable with the silence and being out of each other's life. You slipped away from me Em" They tried to suppress their tears with none of them being successful

"And you're the one who didn't stop me Han" Emily's words were almost close to a whisper

"Would it have mattered? Our friendship took a dramatic turn even worse when we still had A behind our backs. I think you got tired of me and I couldn't blame you" Hanna had to bit her lip to stop herself from crying even harder

"I didn't get tired of you, never will I. You're my soul sister and my best friend." Emily says dolefully. Once again the silence overcame them. "We both got hurt and our time apart was necessary for us to heal even now we're still healing. When all gets well maybe we'll find our way back to each other"

"What if you get lost on your way back?" It was now dawning to Hanna that this was it

"As long as you don't block the way back I won't get lost no matter what obstacles will come" Emily was not sure if what was happening was a positive thing all she knew was that it was long overdue

"No such thing will happen" Hanna promises her. "Why does this break up hurt even more than me breaking up with Caleb?" Hanna asks blatantly and instead of answering, Emily wraps her arms on her and sobs hard. From where the other girls are tears were also falling.

A year later on the night of Alison's graduation celebration Emily had called everyone's attention and held Alison's hand and expressed her love and admiration to the girl. On bended knee she had asked the blonde to marry her. Alison was surprised but agreed repeatedly to Emily's proposal. Emily had planned to propose a year ago but pushed back her plan and waited until Alison finished college in Hollis. When everyone was celebrating along with glasses of wine Hanna approached Emily.

"Congratulations Em!" Hanna gave her friend a warm hug making it last a bit longer

"Thanks Han" She hugged her back just as tight too afraid to let go

"California huh?" Emily nodded at her friend's inquiry. Earlier that night she had announced that she had been offered a well paying job at the west coast and she had agreed to it. "Three reasons to celebrate tonight then."

"I guess so" Both girls smiled sweetly at their polite conversation

"I need to hit the road now. I'm catching the last train back home to New York" Emily hugged her friend one last time. "So is this goodbye?"

"There's never a room for goodbyes with us Han, you know that" Emily replied still not letting go.

"See you soon then" Hanna pulled away

"See you" Emily took a step forward kissing Hanna's forehead. The blonde turned her back and headed out but not long before she turned again

"Em?" She thought twice before saying it. "What does this make us?"

"We'll see" Emily tells her and they exchanged smiles before Emily watched her walk away.

No matter what happens between them she knew she would always love and care for Hanna. A love that was different from the one she has for Alison. It was a little bit more and a little bit less. Hanna has with her a part of her heart. She knows she and Hanna had a connection, something they didn't dare to identify. Something that was buried underneath the fights and arguments. Something that faded away along with what used to be the strength of their friendship but would remain like the remnants of it. That's how it feels like to fall…to fall apart.

So when asked by Hanna of what they were all she could say was 'we'll see'


End file.
